Teen Boundaries and Adult Accountability: Warning Signs, Impact, and Healing

While authority figures normally have the best intentions in mind for the adolescent, they also make mistakes and are human. When they overstep boundaries, a couple of issues may arise. First, it disempowers and undermines the adolescent's decision-making process. Over time, those transgressions can lead to a lack of trust in themselves. Secondly, it may inadvertently teach adolescents to prioritize the needs of others instead of respecting their own needs and wants. When these teenagers reach adulthood, they may have difficulty asserting themselves in relationships or recognizing their own needs because they've normally catered to others. Thirdly, it may negatively affect the relationship between the authority figure and adolescents because their frustration or sadness can translate into physical or emotional distance. Alternatively, the frustration may manifest as behavioral concerns.

Unless an adolescent explicitly states their disagreement or describes the interaction as a boundary violation, an authority figure may have difficulty knowing when they transgress those limits. I would suggest examining the relationship to determine whether there have been any changes. Some behavioral and emotional changes include silence, withdrawal, avoidance, increased emotional reactivity (e.g., frustration), or engaging in risky behaviors. If any of these are present, it could be an invitation to connect with the adolescent.

If an authority figure oversteps boundaries, the best way to repair the connection is to have a conversation and take accountability. A conversation provides clarity and helps both parties understand each other. An adult apologizing and recognizing their role in the interaction can be healing to an adolescent. They also model how to repair a relationship once a disagreement occurs, which is an invaluable tool for the future.